a favorite

Butterflies within rejuvenate and refresh.
And that feeling inside, a favorite of all
the ways to feel that life has to offer,
came again to me tonight
as I drove home to see you
at the end of the day.

They fluttered
and lovingly tickled me with their wings.

Haven't felt that in awhile;
And I know you love to know

whenever you give me butterflies.

DeMAnd...

lecture. one hour and fifteen minutes to stand up in front of my peers and
provide research,
credibility and interesting ideas-
after all, i want to be a teacher (don't i?)
they are counting on me.

dance. so different from my previous four years is this new experience. and i am humbled and put in my place. stressed with something that should be rejuvenating. frustrated with something that should be liberating.
and this new team is counting on me.

nanny. i love this three year old but yesterday i felt so drained. drained of energy, fun, and light-heartedness. drained of temperance. i cannot do this on my own.
that family is counting on me.

ward halloween activity. it needs to be well-planned, well-organized. we need food. we need games. we need the works. it is my calling.
and my ward is counting on me.

jon. the buildup of my stress headed his direction last night. why that is, i do not know. why hurt someone who is yearning to help? why when i love him.
he is counting on me.

papers. almost halfway done grading. study guides for this week, not even halfway through. and students need their grades.
they are counting on me.


this morning I prayed for strength just to walk up the hill to campus.

Roundabout

Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him...

Psalm 37: 3-7

I have been praying for something in my life to become what my Heavenly Father would have it become, and I feel my prayers being answered each day. Sometimes, well I might just say most times, God answers our prayers in unexpected ways. But I know He is there.

Emily and I printed out audition papers yesterday for the Nauvoo Performing Mission, May to August of 2010. Check this out:
• Young Performing Missionaries live in close quarters: Elders in one house, Sisters in another. A generous, loving spirit toward others, coupled with clean and orderly habits, have a direct correlation to a successful missionary experience.
• Good physical and mental health must be maintained: personal health programs must be
controlled without assistance from the mission.
• YPSMs must live according to the Church Missionary schedule (companion study, personal
study, lights out at 11pm.)
• Remain at arm’s length with members of the opposite sex
• Wear appropriate missionary attire; no shorts
• Good housekeeper, neat bedroom, consistent immediate cleanup of kitchen after personal use
Telephone
NO telephone calls to parents or friends. No other long distance telephone calls. No e-mail
or use of computers without the consent of the Mission President. Serving in Nauvoo is a rare privilege. Each year many worthy young members apply for this opportunity. Only twenty Young Performing Stage Missionary calls are issued each year. Talent, training, and experience are very important to casting the productions. However, character traits such as spiritual maturity, obedience to the mission rules, and enthusiasm for the missionary cause weigh heavily in the final selection of those called.

Meanwhile, Jonathan Ditto and I are very much in love with each other. Life is interesting some times, isn't it?

tRanSitioN pHasEs

Would you agree that they are just awkward times of life? I suppose they are necessary in order to turn the page of your life story and begin a new chapter. Maybe we have to walk through unfamiliar pathways to appreciate what is waiting around the corner. But then again, President Monson's talk comes to mind: to live a full life one must find joy in the journey.

And today I can choose whether or not to find joy. Shall I focus on the internal ache of the things I am missing in my life? Of days of yesterday that I loved so deeply? Or shall I channel my energy on this present chapter, emphasizing all that is currently good. I choose the second option.

There is joy in living with my younger sister. Who ever thought we would share an apartment together?
I find joy in spending time with Bela, the two-year old I take care of four days a week.
And of course, my current roommate situation. Pure bliss, comfort, and fun. I love those girls.

These are some of the things I can focus on during this little transition phase of mine. And I hope every day, at least in some small way, I can continue to feel liberated. Because that is how I fly. Bring it on awkward transition phase, bring it on.

Listen

I find it just a bit remarkable that...
You can hear a prayer, or a hymn, or a scripture
a thousand times
and for some particular reason there will be
a phrase, a measure, or a verse
that never really reaches your heart.
And then...
for an even more particular reason
at a chosen day, time, and place
it does reach your heart as it never has before.
And God speaks to His children who are willing to listen.

For reasons I am not yet entirely aware of, I feel the need to create a blog. Maybe some of those reasons will be made known to me; maybe they will not. But to the world of blogging, hello. And it begins.