The Pregnancy

The Journey

I was apprehensive about emotionally investing myself again to the rollercoaster  ride of fertility treatments. After months of avoiding the drugs, the heartaches, the what ifs, and all the  gray areas that come with hoping each month that you are finally pregnant, I was  afraid to re-enter the realm of the unknown.  I learned I was happier when I expected not to be pregnant month by month.

Jon coached me through the decision to move forward. Together, we knew that we had to try IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) when our doctor told us we were good candidates for it. Regardless of the  hurt I had to accept might be coming, I knew that it would be worth it. It would bring more knowledge and understanding. It would inform us of whether or not we needed to start preparing financially for In Vitro. It would bring us one step closer to our children.

One of many miracles was the disappearing of cysts by the time we returned for an ultrasound last January. I remember crying in front of the nurse as she showed us the clear picture of the ultrasound. They completely disappeared on their own, which gave us a green light to try IUI.

The fertility drugs started up again, and the fertility center monitored me close, literally watching my follicles through ultrasounds to see if I was about to ovulate or not. I am completely blown away with modern day fertility treatments.  Jon was a rockstar and gave me the HCG trigger shot in my tummy to assure that I ovulated on the left side. I was so proud of him.

Needless to say, having your husband give you a shot in your stomach is quite the adventure!

Tuesday March 5th, 2013 - The day before our IUI procedure

It only stung when he pulled out the needle. And it certainly bruised over when I had to teach an hour of clogging that night!

On Wednesday March 6th, we tried our first round of Intrauterine Insemination. It was a little scary, but Jon held my hand and looked into my eyes the entire time. I didn’t even tell my mother I was going through with the treatment for the first round. I had to protect her heart, and I had to protect myself from hoping. It made me sad to do so, but I kept telling myself that it probably wouldn’t take and we would have to try again the next month. There is only a 20% chance of IUI working for the first try.

It hurt that I couldn’t allow myself to get excited. Cautious optimism was all I could muster. My coworker, Angie, was such a support to me through all of this. I returned to work the day we did the treatment and she made the whole experience light-hearted and fun. She grabbed my arm, took me into one of our empty rooms at the hospital, and forced me to do a handstand while she held my legs up for a few seconds. Needless to say, it brought some much needed comic relief to my day. Angie still takes the credit for my pregnancy, and she has lovingly nicknamed my baby “Handstand” at the office, to which we all refer to my tummy and my weird pregnancy symptoms.

My sweet Angie. (10 weeks after IUI)



The next two weeks were the waiting period. The fertility center does everything within their power to help the baby along. I was prescribed with progesterone suppositories to significantly decrease the chance of miscarriage if the pregnancy took. I researched enough about the process to know if pregnancy symptoms began during those waiting days, it may just be side effects of the progesterone. I had to continue to protect my heart and think practically - only 1 in 5 couples has success with the first try.

The day we received the call was a long one; I felt a heavy pit in my stomach for hours on end. It felt like I had auditioned for something I wanted so desperately to be a part of, and the audition went terribly wrong. I know that's a strange analogy, but it kept running through my mind throughout the day. I was secretly dreading the phone call that would give the results from our blood test that morning.

The Miracle

-An excerpt from the journal I've started for our baby



Wednedsay March 20, 2013

Dear Baby,

Today is the first day of spring, a perfectly fitting day for new beginnings.

A day of miracles.

That miracle is you.

The odds didn't seem in our favor, but God sure was.

Along with the prayers of so many - prayers that I have felt for so many weeks now.

And the fertility center called me with the blood test results after our first IUI treatment as I turned onto 600 North from University Avenue. I am so glad I didn't crash the car!

                  

                                                           The test reads a very strong positive.

And your daddy and I are shedding many tears of sweet, pure joy. And we both knelt down in sacred prayer and thanked our Father in Heaven that this is finally happening.

After two and a half years of trying, and waiting, and struggling.

This feels so surreal, and yet, so real.

Dear Baby, you are finally on your way.

Photos of the night we found out I was pregnant:

4 weeks - A little Poppyseed in there

The Trial



After the euphoria from that phone call wore off, I found myself worrying that this wasn't real. How could it be? After two and a half years of being told no, how could everything suddenly be yes? I was terribly worried something would go wrong and that this body of mine couldn't handle the pregnancy in a normal, healthy way. Did my body know what to do next?

On the morning of Easter Sunday after I had a little breakdown that something was completely wrong (my stomach cramps were terrifying me - ectopic pregnancy?), Jonathan gave me a Priesthood blessing to calm my nerves and my fears.

The power of the Holy Ghost is stronger than any positive test from a blood sample. We both knew everything would be fine. And Easter Sunday was particularly meaningful to me this year.

A few hours later that day, the nausea began. And Monday morning, it crashed upon me like a tidal wave. The first few days of my nausea were amusing and even entertaining. For some strange reason, I never thought I would get sick while pregnant. I was fascinated by my intense food aversions and by what actually sounded good to feed my body. But that was for the first few days...until I realized this miserable nausea wasn't going anywhere. Morning sickness is a tricky misnomer. Morning sickness? What is that? This has been more like "hit me any time of the day or night sickness". Eating certainly helps, unless I find out shortly after a meal that I ate something my body detests now...like tacos, chocolate, spinach, avocados, hummus, greek yogurt, salmon, Asian food, green smoothies, creamy ice cream...pretty much any of the foods I used to eat on a regular basis. I just dry heaved a little even typing those words. Even water was making gag for awhile. My four saving graces during this first trimester of pregnancy: Lemon sorbet/lemon or lime popsicles, sleep, exercise, and Jon. 

And because I love to cook and to eat, the weeks and weeks of nausea and gagging and dry heaving have been rather trying. However, who am I to complain? I have had enough days during my marriage where I wondered if pregnancy was even a possibility for me. And I chose this, and I am overwhlemed with joy and I am so elated to have a baby. At least the nausea has been a powerful reminder that this pregnancy is indeed real, that this baby is developing inside of the core of me, and that our little miracle will be here this November.

The Joy

Jon and I have known for a long time how we wanted to tell both of our families if we ever got pregnant. Tricking them into thinking we're taking a picture, and forever documenting their reactions. Sometimes I still shed a tear watching these clips.

This is joy.

I also told my closest cousins and my Aunty Ginny in Idaho. I wish I recorded their reactions. They have been waiting with me for this moment for a long time, and their reactions were so precious as well.

And hearing that little heart beating. Oh that heart beat. I have heard it three times now. The fertility center monitored me so close to assure my body was doing just what it was supposed to do to help this little person along. After each of these appointments I cried all the way home. This is joy. This is my baby's heart beating.

6 week ultrasound

9 week ultrasound

According to God's perfect timing, things happen for His children when He would have them happen. Jon and I still meet with LeGrand Baker, a retired religion professor from BYU, as often as we can in his home. I loved what he told us last Sunday:

"God is so generous with His immaculate timing. He knows exactly when to make things happen because He knows what is best for His children."

His timetable rarely matches our own. But is this not a major aspect of faith? Isn't this what we are living this life for? We're just learning. How would I have dealt with the situation if I wasn't able to have my own children? Would my faith still be dormant in my life? Would I continue to trust in God's timing?

I am confident, or at least I hope that I would, because I know He is there. And I trust in whatever His plan is for me.

Thank you everyone, so much for your prayers and your support. It seems there were so many people praying for us and asking specifically for this little one to come into our lives, that God said Yes, Now is the time.

Baby is due November 27th, the day before Thanksgiving. It is only fitting that the due date is right around the holiday of gratitude. There surely lives a God of miracles.

Here comes my little bump! 

                                       

Photo at 13 Weeks